Parenting Fail: When Mealtimes Become Sensory Play and Mommy Loses It

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Parents of toddlers/older babies know what I’m talking about.  You sit down to a healthy balanced meal that you poured lots of thought and energy into making.  It smells delicious, it looks beautiful.  You go to give your child a taste and the dreaded locked mouth makes an appearance.  You decide maybe your toddler wants to feed herself, so you spoon some pieces onto the table for her.  She picks it up slowly.  She inches it toward her mouth.  You have hope that she will love your food.  But it never makes it into her mouth, for she’s already thrown it onto the floor.  I can normally roll with this, but after a full day week of this at EVERY mealtime, I’m all out of patience.

I cannot just let my child subsist on crumbs here an there.  NO! I can’t let her wither away into skin and bones! Doesn’t she know that she needs food to grow and develop? The answer is no. No, she does not know.  So when she smashed her food all over her tray and made it rain salmon and peas all around her, I lost it.  And then I felt awful.  “NO WE DO NOT THROW OUR FOOD ALL OVER THE FLOOR!!!” I said it so loudly that I startled her.  It was the second time in two days that I did this.  Nothing I had been doing was working and I was at my wits end.  I’m sure you’re judging me right now, so I want to share with you all the things I tried before I lost it.

Things I’ve tried:

  1. Redirecting the food throwing. “R, will you put that pea in the bowl?  Good job!” This works if she’s merely throwing food, and not smashing it as well.
  2. Simultaneous feeding.  “Can you feed that to mommy? I’ll feed you this at the same time.” This used to work, but no longer.
  3. Giving her utensils to attempt to feed herself.  This does not work.  She becomes wrapped up in moving the food around the table with her fork/spoon that she never eats a bite.
  4. Giving her her favorite foods every time.  This works temporarily, until her favorite foods lose their luster.
  5. Taking the tray away when she starts throwing food. This just makes her mad
  6. Taking the food from her tray the moment she starts smashing it around and ending mealtime.  This makes her happy, but then stresses me out because she hasn’t eaten a DAMN thing.
  7. Raising my voice.  “STOP SMASHING FOOD!!!” This does NOT work, and only makes me cry tears of regret afterward.

This challenge has brought up an issue I think will be huge for us in the near future–discipline.  What does caring discipline look like? What does it look like at each age?  I fear that my teaching background has caused me to expect way too much from my 15 month old and need to take it down a notch.  My hope is that I haven’t somehow damaged her with inconsistency and loony behavior on my end.  Here’s to keeping calm and carrying on!

 

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I’m Afraid of Children

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Okay, not all children, but the children in the 4th and 5th grade at the school I work at, in the lunch room, being crazy.  I’m afraid of them.  I am usually a pretty badass teacher who can handle most behavior problems.  Kids need structure, I say, and I give it to them.  But at this school where no child is made to ever have a consequence for his or her unwanted behavior, well, I’m clueless.  I think I’ve crippled myself by overthinking things, and now the students see the fear in my eyes at the beginning of every lunch time.  Today they decided to all break out into song and make the lunchroom a torture chamber for my ears.  (I tried to make them stop, but they just started back up again 1 minute later).  They were singing the “Sideburns” song.  I have included it below, but if you have half a brain, you will absolutely hate it.  I couldn’t even watch the whole thing.  God, I despise 4th and 5th graders.

 

Now a few of them have taken to rolling their eyes when I ask them to do something like, “listen up” or “clean up.”  Today, one kid even started mocking my word choices to his neighbor.  Granted, I made pretty terrible word choices because I was sweating like a pig with fear that no one was going to follow my directions.   Basically, this 25 minutes of my day is the absolute worst.  I’m pretty sure that the 1 1/2 hours a week I spend doing this shortens my life span by at least a month.  Apparently last year, they had two people helping with student supervision, but this year it’s just me.  I’m not sure if I should talk to my boss about it again or just suffer through the next 100 days in silence.

I’m very intuitive and I have the sense that each child in that room has this very thought when they see me:

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