Making a Home for an Embryo

brave1

Beautiful free print from graphic designer at http://www.danielleburkleo.com

The “she” here is me.  We just completed a very big step in our long IVF journey.  We finally had our first embryo transfer–ever!  Here’s how the morning went down:

7:00 am Open my eyes after a long listless night of sleep, worrying about whether I’ll drink enough water or the valium will work today.

10:00 am  Take a valium and drink 32 oz of water

10:30 am  Arrive at the lab unsure of whether the valium has actually kicked in.  (I was told it would feel like I had downed a big martini, but right now, I’m not feeling so good)

10:45 am The embryologist comes in and shows us a beautifully thawed embryo.  She says it looks as good as fresh!

10:50 am  The nurse comes in to see if my bladder is full enough yet.  Not yet.

11:10 am  My bladder is finally ready and my uterus is flat enough for a straight shot.  The doc inserts a catheter up into the “perfect” spot in my uterus and shoots the little sucker up there.

11:10-11:40 am  I remain on the table watching Jimmy Fallon videos with the hubs.

Before I leave, the embryologist assures me that my uterus is like “shag” carpeting and the embryo won’t fall out.  I can just see it now, like my grandma’s old living room with brown shag carpeting, a wooden television, and some brown and orange floral print couches.  If that embryo knows what’s up, it’ll burrow deep into that couch and get some fluffy blankets and camp out for the long haul.  At least, that’s what I would do.

But, for now I can only obsess over every twinge, cramp, movement I make.  I’m going to need lots and lots of courage to make it through the next two weeks without losing it.  I’m going to try my hardest to be brave enough to live in the moment, and not predict the future.  For I am no psychic.

Hormonal Thoughts

I’m sitting here in a Starbucks, waiting for my massage appointment, stressing about whether I should get soy (soy isn’t good for estrogen imbalances), decaf (I heard the way they make beans decaf can be harmful to your health, but caffeine can negatively affect your uterine lining), latte (dairy is inflammatory, is it not?). I went with a decaf black coffee.

But, ordering a decaf coffee does not help the fact that my hormones are imbalanced. My last monitoring appointment showed a huge follicle but low estrogen (meaning my follicle is non functioning). My LH is elevated (why?). And my google searches are convincing me that I am post menopausal. I’m trying not to worry too much about this cycle, because we have already resigned to doing a medicated one next. But, I was just hoping this part of the journey would be easy. Easy… I have no concept of this anymore.