After more than 3 years of struggle, one surgery, two retrievals, hundreds of injections, hundreds of pills, three IUIs, cysts, ovulation predictor kits, countless negative pregnancy tests, it is finally time to add an embryo transfer to the count–hopefully. I had no idea it would take this long to get to the point of transferring one embryo. It’s been such a long journey to get to here, and we’re nowhere near done.
We opted for a natural FET this cycle, which has a high cancellation rate. All my hormone levels need to be perfect, and my lining needs to build up, and all of this has to happen on my body’s own volition. I am trusting that it will, but I’m also pretty nervous about it. I am praying so hard that it will work. If it doesn’t, we’ll try a medicated cycle for our next attempt. A medicated cycle means I stop using my body’s natural cycle to help out and just rely on birth control pills, lupron, estrogen patches, progesterone injections, etc. You see, I am getting carried away already. I just need the courage to be in this very moment, on this very journey.
The past week or so I’ve been having some unusual symptoms, for me. I’ve been getting weird stomach pain up top, kind of like acidic but pretty constant, and I’ve developed some pretty nasty breath (my breath doesn’t usually smell THIS gross). I decided to google search my symptoms and here are the possibilities:
1) Intestinal Obstruction – uh, don’t think so.
2) Stomach Cancer – WHATT!?!
3) Alcoholism – HA!
4) GERD – I’m not getting anything coming up so I don’t think it’s this.
5) Stomach Ulcer – I probably have one.
Google Search, why do you always have to freak me out? I guess I’ll go to the real doctor to see what’s going on.
One way to end a week long funk is to get into a major car accident. I’m thinking that deep down I knew something was going to happen and I wanted to avoid it/brace myself for it (hence the funk). On Saturday our car got destroyed and I actually felt better after. Weird!
To sum up the incident: We were turning left onto a busy street and a car (with no stop sign) hit us on the driver’s side of our car. The air bags went off, the door was completely destroyed and the front/rear fenders were also damaged. The other car had a tiny of its bumper fall off. Here are the two cars involved in the accident:
I’ll let you guess who won.
When we got out of the car, which smelled like something was burning, we discovered our glasses had flown off our faces, my neck and back was suffering from serious whiplash, and S’s hat had somehow ended up on the car floor. There are multiple sad realizations that came from this accident:
- The accident was probably completely our fault.
- Our insurance rate would most likely go up.
- Our car could be totaled or at least out of commission for a long while. (My dream car!)
- Our bodies hurt.
But there was one thing that I was elated to realize:
- We were both going to be okay.
In the moment of the impact, my initial reaction was “dang, that hurt.” But as soon as that thought crossed my mind I looked at S to make sure he was not hurt worse than I was. There was a moment of panic. “What if he’s hurt!?!” And then, a great moment of relief.
It took a freakin’ car accident to get me out of my funk and be grateful for this life!
Have you ever just woken up and felt tired? Then went on with your day with a headache and thought everyone and everything was completely annoying? Only to go to bed hoping the next day you’d be in a better mood? Then when the next day arrives, you realize you’re in an even worse mood than the day before?
That’s what happened to me this week. I don’t think I have ever felt this way before. eh, maybe I have and just chose to forget it. It seemed like the week dragged on forever and all I wanted to do was be alone and do things like sewing projects and household organizing (maybe the only thing in my life I have control over?). When S asked me what was bothering me, I honestly could not say. Except that everything just bugged me. I felt like I was walking through a fog in which everything appeared to be obnoxious and I had very little patience for it all. I eagerly awaited Friday and welcomed it with a 2.5 hour nap after work. I woke up without a headache and not annoyed at all. I’m not sure what to make of this weeklong funk. I’m not skilled enough to psychoanalyze the reason for it, so I am forced to assume the following:
1) I hate working with bratty, privileged, disrespectful kids
2) I was sleep deprived
3) Sometimes deep emotions come up that your mind cannot decipher and you just get annoyed with EVERYTHING to cope
4) I’m melodramatic
And no, I am not anywhere near the time I can blame it on PMS. Otherwise, I would. All I know is, it is Saturday and my mood has magically shifted back to normal. I hope the funk stays far away.