A Control Freak, Undone

Back when I knew absolutely NOTHING about fertility treatments, I used to think, “gosh, that person just needs to do IVF.  easy peasy.”  How naive I was.  When all this started over two years ago, we still thought, “well, if this surgery doesn’t work, we can always do IVF.”  After the surgery, we thought, “well, if these cycles don’t work, we can always do IVF.”
Well, now that we’re doing IVF we are thinking, “Geez, what happens if this doesn’t work?”

The whole process itself can take months before they even know how your body responds to the medications.  And if you’re like me, a “Poor Responder” to meds, well then you get to have cycles canceled because you just don’t have enough eggs.  So imagine my excitement when this cycle actually gets to go through retrieval (when they take out your eggies).  I didn’t have many, but because of my “young age” the doctor was hopeful that they’d be of great quality.  And everyone always says, “all you need is one,” right?

After the procedure, the doctor told us that the three eggs were not suitable for fertilization.  (insert big sigh here)  I find out tomorrow for sure, but I’m not getting my hopes up.  So now we are not quite sure what comes next.  I know people go through IVF multiple times, and technically we haven’t even completed a full cycle because of my poor response, but I can’t imagine putting my mind/body through this whole process many more times. I’m not sure how people do it.

For someone who feels most comfortable knowing what’s coming 10 steps ahead, this whole process is definitely unraveling my spirit.  Distractions welcome–NOW!


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